My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize