It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
