I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
are you so shy because you have an std?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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