South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
