People in love make me want to vomit
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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