somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
