dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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