you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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