If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
