i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
