my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
