I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you never un-have a 4some
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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