Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
