this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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