People in love make me want to vomit
I looked at my own cervix.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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