Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
