I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
