So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
