he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
