Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Couch. On fire.
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