Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
