I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
