I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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