Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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