Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
