Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
