jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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