What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
