So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
