I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
