i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
