I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
