You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
