If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize