yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
