Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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