the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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