I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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