My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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