I'm so fucking centered right now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
