Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
