my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
