I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
