i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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