i just wanna soil my oats bro
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
