I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
