She announced her abortion via fbk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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