Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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