i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
