drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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