We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
