im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A+ Viking dick
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