i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
