I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize