here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
