I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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