I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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