I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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