Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
