babies were throwing up all over the place
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
