wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize