Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize