oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
