Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
