you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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